5 AM.

So, I can't sleep. I have to be work in an hour. Just great.

All I've done for the last 8 hours is cry. I'm trying so hard to be a strong person, but it seems near impossible right now. I guess I can say I know what a true heart break feels like. I never imagined I could be so hurt, in so many ways, all at once. I really thought I met someone I would spend the rest of my life with. I was honest to God positive he was the one. Now, now I just feel lost. I feel so stupid, so used and vulnerable. I know everyone says you need to just worry about yourself, but it's not easy to just shut off your emotions. I looked up to him, I never thought he would let me down like this. I guess it goes to show, you can never be too sure, and nothing last forever. I let my guard down and now I'm the fool.

Where do I go from here? I'm so scared to be alone now. I am so worried what tomorrow will feel like and I am so scared of losing him forever. I know they say everything happens for a reason, but how do you know it's the right decision. I am trying to find all the possible ways to cut him out of my life, but I can't do it.

I know I need to focus on myself now. Work, get my life together and be a good person. It's just a matter of trying to stay busy, so I don't feel this way. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I hurt so bad, my whole body, my heart. I don't want to go back to the partying but I know it's coming. It's my escape. It's pathetic I feel bad for myself. I would never wish this heartache on anyone. I feel like I lost a part of myself. I feel like I lost my soul mate. I'm angry that he gave up, I deserved more.

Who knows. Maybe the outcome will be ok. Maybe I'll be ok. I know I wasn't always pleasant, so this could be what it takes to make me really change my attitude. I need to change my outlook on life and the people I surround myself with.

It's obvious I put my faith in the wrong one's. :(