Indeed, I am.
One might ask, "how is this possible". Honestly, I couldn't tell ya. I just know, that is who I am. Maybe not who I've always been, but who I am now.
For the longest time I have sat back and tried to figure myself out. Which, really, maybe it's just me, but it's been far too complicated. Obviously I know who I am, but trying to reason with the decisions I make is pretty impossible. Not saying all of them have been bad decisions, some have been the best I have ever made. The question is, why did I make them? Who the heck knows.
Then, I started to paint a picture of my everyday attitude. I am at times over bearing and I worry just a little too much. No matter what though, I am always positive of the outcome, or the things I will face in the future. Given I have been through so much, in such little time, I can be nothing but positive. Even if the situation in itself, isn't always a positive one. That is really the only way a person can truly function, without hitting the bottom. If you keep a level head, things will always turn out the way they are supposed to.
Once I changed from being a total pessimist, things started to go uphill, slightly. My entire life did a 180 and I saw the better of what I had been up against. Maybe it is my age that has me looking at things through a different prospective. Maybe it's because I have a little person who looks up to me everyday, that I want to see succeed when she grows up. I'm not sure. All I know is that I am starting to enjoy this ride, instead of just holding on for the ride.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Today, overall was a good day. I got a lot accomplished, spent time with good people and I was in a great mood.
Although, I will say. I am frustrated by the ignorance of others. Really, seems like everything has been simmering up until this point and it finally just boiled over. I am tired of the low blows and innuendos by others. I get extremely irritated when I see someone doing something, then getting praised. Yet, if I turned around and did the same thing, I would be given unsolicited advice on how I should be doing things. Double standards do not go over well in my book. For what I've been through and seen in my life, I have learned a lot about what to expect out of people. What I am willing to take and what I will always stand up for. I am hard headed, stubborn and at times, a little naive but I will be damned if I am ever a push over.
The fact that for so long, I've called a certain few my friends, really makes me infuriated. Why be told we are free to voice our opinion, if in the long run, it really isn't worth it or there will be repercussions.
Not only that, I expect more out of people. Do not take what I say out of context. At least pretend you've listened to everything I have said, before jumping the gun. It really chaps my ass when people have a nasty remark and they've simply ignored my reasoning. Do not jump on my ass, when I was agreeing with you. This is called ignorance and I hate it.
So, how bout them apples?
Although, I will say. I am frustrated by the ignorance of others. Really, seems like everything has been simmering up until this point and it finally just boiled over. I am tired of the low blows and innuendos by others. I get extremely irritated when I see someone doing something, then getting praised. Yet, if I turned around and did the same thing, I would be given unsolicited advice on how I should be doing things. Double standards do not go over well in my book. For what I've been through and seen in my life, I have learned a lot about what to expect out of people. What I am willing to take and what I will always stand up for. I am hard headed, stubborn and at times, a little naive but I will be damned if I am ever a push over.
The fact that for so long, I've called a certain few my friends, really makes me infuriated. Why be told we are free to voice our opinion, if in the long run, it really isn't worth it or there will be repercussions.
Not only that, I expect more out of people. Do not take what I say out of context. At least pretend you've listened to everything I have said, before jumping the gun. It really chaps my ass when people have a nasty remark and they've simply ignored my reasoning. Do not jump on my ass, when I was agreeing with you. This is called ignorance and I hate it.
So, how bout them apples?
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Even more busy.
This seems to be my new thing. Busy, that is. All the time, it's a vicious cycle in my little world. I am certain it's because I whined way too much before about how I had nothing to do. Don't we all though? At one point or another? I really don't mind, it's only when I get in over my head that I start to gasp for the "not so busy" air. See, I am one of those people who ends up spinning out of control when I have way too much going on. It's almost like I lose all ability to function like a normal human and I start thinking way too much about productive planning.
I'm odd. I already know this, so no need in reminding me. I also like it that way, being odd. Sets me apart from all the normals walking around. Well, having the name Scotti and having a vagina already set's me apart from the "norm". Right?
I had a 3rd birthday party for Anna yesterday. Our theme was Dinosaurs, at the request of Anna. Well, it was between Spongebob and Dinosaurs. She got lucky and had both, Spongebob being at her school. It went off without a hitch! She had a few friends come and she ran herself into the ground playing all day. We ate way too many cupcakes and opened lot's of presents. It was a great day, even with all the stress that came with planning the party. We went to bed pretty late (what! Ya think we could stop ourselfs from playing with all the cool new toys!), so Miss Anna slept until 10:30 this morning. She actually crawled in bed with me at 8 and (Thank you baby Jesus) slept for another 2 and half hours.
The house. Oh, the house. It's a mess. New toy's scattered across the living room, cupcake remains imbeded on the counter, clothes strewn across the couch. Yes, it's bad. I had it all nice for the party and in just 3 measley hours, it was destroyed. We were all too tired to really make any kind of dent on it today, so tomorrow I will be in warrior mode. I really hate looking at a cluttered space, which is the vibe I am getting off the house right now, but all will be well tomorrow.
I'm really just glad to have all but one birthday out of the way, until Christmas madness sets in. Oh, and that would be my birthday. Which really, there will be no big plans. Other than dinner at my favorite restuarant with Allen and a night out. Seems I lack those these days, "Nights out", but I am honest to God... NOT COMPLAINING. It's quite refreshing to say I've had but 3 beers in two months. I am sure we will also do a dinner with Anna and the family. Now that I am actually writing it, the thought of my birthday scares me. I will be 25, that number scares me. Mostly because I wish I was done with school and I'm not. Although, everything else has seemed to get itself on track, that won't be far behind.
Gosh. I just realized. I've yet to even post about Allen. Holy heck, I have been a major slacker here. Not that I am sure too many people read this anyway, I am still shocking myself. Wow.
So, yea... Allen. Allen and I have known each other 7 long years. We've come and gone in each others lives, as friends usually do. I never imagined we would be where we are today. We have been dating 4 months now and it has been perfect. I look forward to updating about "us". I do believe it needs to have it's own blog. Yes, it's own. Too much to go on about in this already extremely long update.
I will also be creating a new blog. One dedicated to another person I've failed to mention. Sawyer, my newest love muffin and 4 legged child. I want to have a blog strictly for his training progress and all the is squishy, uishy, horsey lovin' updatingness.
I am still slightly frustrated (probably because I am forced to look at the cluttered living room as I type this) and "tired" doesn't even describe how tired I am. See, so tired I cannot even think of a more creative word to use.
So, goodnight!
I'm odd. I already know this, so no need in reminding me. I also like it that way, being odd. Sets me apart from all the normals walking around. Well, having the name Scotti and having a vagina already set's me apart from the "norm". Right?
I had a 3rd birthday party for Anna yesterday. Our theme was Dinosaurs, at the request of Anna. Well, it was between Spongebob and Dinosaurs. She got lucky and had both, Spongebob being at her school. It went off without a hitch! She had a few friends come and she ran herself into the ground playing all day. We ate way too many cupcakes and opened lot's of presents. It was a great day, even with all the stress that came with planning the party. We went to bed pretty late (what! Ya think we could stop ourselfs from playing with all the cool new toys!), so Miss Anna slept until 10:30 this morning. She actually crawled in bed with me at 8 and (Thank you baby Jesus) slept for another 2 and half hours.
The house. Oh, the house. It's a mess. New toy's scattered across the living room, cupcake remains imbeded on the counter, clothes strewn across the couch. Yes, it's bad. I had it all nice for the party and in just 3 measley hours, it was destroyed. We were all too tired to really make any kind of dent on it today, so tomorrow I will be in warrior mode. I really hate looking at a cluttered space, which is the vibe I am getting off the house right now, but all will be well tomorrow.
I'm really just glad to have all but one birthday out of the way, until Christmas madness sets in. Oh, and that would be my birthday. Which really, there will be no big plans. Other than dinner at my favorite restuarant with Allen and a night out. Seems I lack those these days, "Nights out", but I am honest to God... NOT COMPLAINING. It's quite refreshing to say I've had but 3 beers in two months. I am sure we will also do a dinner with Anna and the family. Now that I am actually writing it, the thought of my birthday scares me. I will be 25, that number scares me. Mostly because I wish I was done with school and I'm not. Although, everything else has seemed to get itself on track, that won't be far behind.
Gosh. I just realized. I've yet to even post about Allen. Holy heck, I have been a major slacker here. Not that I am sure too many people read this anyway, I am still shocking myself. Wow.
So, yea... Allen. Allen and I have known each other 7 long years. We've come and gone in each others lives, as friends usually do. I never imagined we would be where we are today. We have been dating 4 months now and it has been perfect. I look forward to updating about "us". I do believe it needs to have it's own blog. Yes, it's own. Too much to go on about in this already extremely long update.
I will also be creating a new blog. One dedicated to another person I've failed to mention. Sawyer, my newest love muffin and 4 legged child. I want to have a blog strictly for his training progress and all the is squishy, uishy, horsey lovin' updatingness.
I am still slightly frustrated (probably because I am forced to look at the cluttered living room as I type this) and "tired" doesn't even describe how tired I am. See, so tired I cannot even think of a more creative word to use.
So, goodnight!
Friday, November 7, 2008
A woman who is very busy seldom changes her opinions.
I think it's time I kick this back into high gear. I love the blog, but I never seem to have much time. Well, I do but I never really think to update my blog. Oh well, I will make an effort to fix the lack of blogging.
Things have been good. No, things have been amazing. I still have my moments where I tend to let stress get the best of me, but I'm human. Well, that and I have a lot of estrogen flowing through my woman parts. On a serious note, I could not ask for anything more at this given time. I'm truly blessed to be where I am today. I know I had some bad karma from the past floating around, but I think I've pretty much paid my due's to karma. To look back on things, or the emotions I've felt in the past, I'm amazed by where I stand today. Lucky and very grateful, that is what I am.
I do believe my responsibility and maturity level have sky rocketed in the last year alone. Comparing myself (although I'm not a fan of comparing) to who I was just one year ago, to who I am today is nearly night and day. I've learned to stand up for what I believe in, without being irrational. Someone said this to me and it has really stuck with me, "Everything you want in life will happen, it just might not be at the speed you want it to happen". I think about that and it's so true. I felt like I was rushing everything in my life, when in all reality, things are OK at the rate their moving. I still get carried away and stack my plate a little too high at times, but again, I'm human. As dysfunctional as my home life was, my life wouldn't be fun if it were too "normal".
Having matured I see a lot of things and a lot of people differently now. Some stuff I questioned before, but now I have the answers as to what I truly want in my life. People I held in the highest regard, are no longer on a pedestal. I've seen the malicious side, that they've tried to hard to cover up. I know that I am too good of a person now to ever feel unwanted, by anyone. I see it as their loss, whether they agree or not.
One of my best friends told me a few days ago that I do a lot of rambling. I guess she's right, I do! I've gotten no complaints, so I will continue to do so.
On that note, I have to go. It's my little one's birthday today and I have a party to plan. I also have a fat mule to go ride this afternoon.
Happy Friday everyone! :)
Things have been good. No, things have been amazing. I still have my moments where I tend to let stress get the best of me, but I'm human. Well, that and I have a lot of estrogen flowing through my woman parts. On a serious note, I could not ask for anything more at this given time. I'm truly blessed to be where I am today. I know I had some bad karma from the past floating around, but I think I've pretty much paid my due's to karma. To look back on things, or the emotions I've felt in the past, I'm amazed by where I stand today. Lucky and very grateful, that is what I am.
I do believe my responsibility and maturity level have sky rocketed in the last year alone. Comparing myself (although I'm not a fan of comparing) to who I was just one year ago, to who I am today is nearly night and day. I've learned to stand up for what I believe in, without being irrational. Someone said this to me and it has really stuck with me, "Everything you want in life will happen, it just might not be at the speed you want it to happen". I think about that and it's so true. I felt like I was rushing everything in my life, when in all reality, things are OK at the rate their moving. I still get carried away and stack my plate a little too high at times, but again, I'm human. As dysfunctional as my home life was, my life wouldn't be fun if it were too "normal".
Having matured I see a lot of things and a lot of people differently now. Some stuff I questioned before, but now I have the answers as to what I truly want in my life. People I held in the highest regard, are no longer on a pedestal. I've seen the malicious side, that they've tried to hard to cover up. I know that I am too good of a person now to ever feel unwanted, by anyone. I see it as their loss, whether they agree or not.
One of my best friends told me a few days ago that I do a lot of rambling. I guess she's right, I do! I've gotten no complaints, so I will continue to do so.
On that note, I have to go. It's my little one's birthday today and I have a party to plan. I also have a fat mule to go ride this afternoon.
Happy Friday everyone! :)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
To the keeper of my heart.
My, oh, my. 3 years, 3 whole years filled with unconditional love, from a toddler I call Anna.
My Dear Anna,
3 years ago, to the day, you came into my life like wild fire. It is a day that will forever live in my heart and in my soul. I became a Mother that day, your Mother and you became my daughter. I will cherish this day for as long as I live, for I was blessed with more than I could have ever asked for.
You are so full of grace, but I see that fire in you. The same fire I carry in myself, the desire to never stop learning. You remind me so much of myself. A fighter and a lover. A free spirit, who is hard headed and stubborn at times. A beautiful person, inside and out. A girl who loves diggin' up dirt in her best dress. I see you grow everyday and although bittersweet, I am so proud of you.
I never imagined that 3 years ago I could be happier than I was in that moment I first held you. As each day goes by, I realize this is my life, you are my life. All of my dreams, wrapped tightly around you, my heart in the palm of your hand. Even at just 3, I see a beautiful person, who is going to take the world by surprise.
You are the fire and the world is your fuel.
Happy 3rd Birthday, Jitterbug.
Love,
Mommy.
My Dear Anna,
3 years ago, to the day, you came into my life like wild fire. It is a day that will forever live in my heart and in my soul. I became a Mother that day, your Mother and you became my daughter. I will cherish this day for as long as I live, for I was blessed with more than I could have ever asked for.
You are so full of grace, but I see that fire in you. The same fire I carry in myself, the desire to never stop learning. You remind me so much of myself. A fighter and a lover. A free spirit, who is hard headed and stubborn at times. A beautiful person, inside and out. A girl who loves diggin' up dirt in her best dress. I see you grow everyday and although bittersweet, I am so proud of you.
I never imagined that 3 years ago I could be happier than I was in that moment I first held you. As each day goes by, I realize this is my life, you are my life. All of my dreams, wrapped tightly around you, my heart in the palm of your hand. Even at just 3, I see a beautiful person, who is going to take the world by surprise.
You are the fire and the world is your fuel.
Happy 3rd Birthday, Jitterbug.
Love,
Mommy.
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