It can take a surprisingly long time to get from one part of my mind to another.

Ever reflect on conversations, or thoughts you have. I do. I have decided I am a plethora of pretty useless knowledge. The great thing is, I always have something to talk about. I make small talk a little less awkward, well maybe awkward but in a good way.

I honestly don't know why I feel the need to even talk about this, I was just pondering. Something I do more frequently than others. Not a quality everyone can say they have. It just adds to my uniqueness.

That brings me to conversation etiquette. If it were a profession, I am pretty damn sure I would win. I can bring warmth to any conversation. Funny because a few years ago, I was so shy. Now, I would blow anyone away with my ability to connect with almost anyone through good conversation. I rule.

Maybe it's because I think so much. I'm always searching for answers to questions most people would never think of. I want to know it all. I thrive off of all the things I am hungry to learn. I could just be weird but to me, I am smart in my own way. I am a busy body who can sit still and constantly has to be reading about something I find odd.

Pointless blog. Just felt the need to blog it.

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

Life is funny. The way things work out, how slow and how fast time goes by, etc. I must admit, in my 24 years, I have enjoyed the short ride in this crazy life. I am excited to see what else is out there for me, the journeys I will take and the people I will meet. I know there is so much more to learn and take in.

The last year, maybe year and half, has been amazing. With all the ups and downs, I've loved it. I have learned so much, I hit rock bottom and fought my way back to the top. Although not all the way there, I know I have great things ahead of me. I know I am beautiful and outgoing, I have the world to offer. There are some things I would have liked to not of dealt with, but honestly... where would I be without that experience (mistake).

Today so many things came into focus. I saw clear for the first time in a while and realized... life is to short to sweat the bull shit. The people who are supposed to be there, will be until the end. What is meant to happen, will. I am no longer wasting my time on anyone who has nothing to offer and does not benefit my life in some way.

I have lost and gained a lot of people this past year. The friends I've gained, or reconnected with are most certainly worth it. The one's who were lost, I have yet to look back. This cycle is a clean one and one I have so far not had any regrets from.


I looked back on blogs from this year. They have all almost repetitive. Only... they're all leading in the same direction...up. I love this, all of it. The only thing that is different, not turning back anymore, my direction is a one way street.


"This new heart of mine".

Words.

To see you when I wake up.

Is a gift I didn't think could be real.

To know that you feel the same as I doIs a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.

So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.

I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.

You have only been gone ten days, But already I'm wasting away.

I know I'll see you again.

Whether far or soon.

But I need you to know that I care, And I miss you.

It's always hard to find the right things to say when you lose the one thing you thought was real. We slap a smile on our face and make it through the day without breaking down. Hold back words and emotions that at one point were so easy to say.

I've moved on but there is that one part of me that won't let go. I am sure in time but right now it's still there. Days get easier and aren't so long anymore. My laughter is genuine and my heart is slowly piecing back together.

I will always love what we had, even if it's no longer what I want. There were good times and there were bad, I will carry the good in my heart.

Although I felt like I needed closure, I don't think that was the case. I just think I needed to get over all of it and really say goodbye to a lost cause.

This is the end.

I've closed one chapter and have started another. A great chapter at that, this book has only just begun.

08.10.08

Today seems to be one of the harder days.

I know I will be ok.

This too shall pass.

I just need something to look back on, a reminder that everything truly does happen for a reason. That I am actually better off and getting better everyday.

It just days like this where my heart hurts and I feel so betrayed. Other days it all makes sense and I put my anger on the back burner. I think maybe I can forgive and really move on.

I'm happy. I have a lot going on, I've met some wonderful people, but letting go isn't easy. Moving on isn't easy.


Tomorrow is another day.