Think. Think. Think.

So. Back in the position I hate to be in. One where I am forced to rethink my life and the goals I have set for myself. Hey, I believe we should review our goals every now and then. Thing is, mine are all over the place. I have no goals, other than a few, actually set in stone. I guess it's something I need to work on. I do think I am a determined person, I just think too much to stay focused on one thing.

Now, I do have direction. Is it what I want though, or is it what I need. Thinking about it makes my brain hurt. At times I would say I had too much spontaneity. Not always the good kind. I will put so much effort into something, then suddenly move onto something else, without first finishing what I had originally started. Makes me irritated with myself.

Let's be serious for a second. I am pretty sure I have a clear idea what I want out of life, we all do. It's that what I will be doing that fails me. Which I have heard, from most, is normal for anyone my age. I am in the process of setting up a ladder for myself. What I will place at the top of that ladder is something I don't even know yet.

So, I am going to take the next month to just clear my head and let things fall into place. I have an idea of where I am going, I just want things to pan out. What happens will happen and it will be within in good reason.

I am sort of babbling. I guess because I am avoiding bed. I know sleeping means waking up, which then means work. Ew.


Anyway. I also realized (after some much needed advice), I put myself on the back burner because I look to other people for decisions. I almost feel like if I am the one to make the decision, if even for myself, I let everyone else down. In some situations, that might be ok. Not when it comes to my life. I need to stand up and start thinking for myself. I need to worry less about suiting my life for other people and more for me. Those who were worth a shit will be there when it's said and done.


Ok. Bed time for realz.

Todays Horoscope.

"Sit down and make a list of the things that you need to change in your life. Believe in yourself and don't be afraid to follow your dreams."



Ok. Wow.

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

I have someone in my life, someone more important than my own life.

Someone who's smile warms my heart. Someone who pushes me to climb those mountain tops.

Someone who with one sweet "I love you" says 1,000 words over and over again in my soul.


Someone who without knowing it, pushes me to never stop fighting.

This someone has shown me, life isn't so bad. There is a reason to keep going, a reason to wake up every morning with a smile on my face. A reason to always try and try harder.

Every morning, I'm greeted with a sleepy smile and a "where are we going today". I smile and say "To the moon baby, to the moon". My heart walks next to me at the park, rides behind me in the car and gives me 1 2 3 4 5 good night kisses before bed.

When I go to sleep. I get up at least twice, just to make sure this person isn't just a dream. Then I wake every morning only to question how I was so lucky, to be so blessed, by a soul that's so pure... it pulls at mine.

This someone call's me Mommy.

I am this someones role model.

I am this someones whole world.

This someone is my whole world.

My whole reason for living.

November 7th, 2005 will always be the day that forever changed my life.



Mommy loves you, Anna Banana.

"As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"

Fuck Yeah.

Major blog actionz coming your way.



TODAY!

Swing line.

I always come here wanting to express what's on my mind.

Then, once I am here, I just lack the desire to blog about it.

I need to change this horrible trend of blog avoiding I have so recklessly developed.

Maybe. Just... maybe.