Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? Well, you can sleep in my bed...

Things are still tough, but that doesn't mean they wont get better. I try to remain an optimistic person, even through the worst situations. Sometimes optimism is all you have to hold on to, or faith that you're going in the right direction.

I am really tired of letting the bad into my life. I put myself in these situations where I let someone get the best of me, it doesn't benefit me...but it does them. I want to scream in their face that there is so much more, I am an amazing person. I shouldn't have to prove that to someone though, they should just see it, right? I need to stop being such a door mat for the wrong people. I truly adore some of them, but I don't think they feel the same.

I will say it again. It's a new year. A new year brings new things, friends, adventures, etc. Hopefully this new year isn't filled with the animosity and hate the last one was.

My heart still hurts, from things that were said, things that were done. I let my guard down by thinking I was trying something new, but I just got myself into a big mess. I wonder sometimes if I will ever stop settling for less than what I deserve. When will I actually see my worth and move forward with my life. I hold onto things for too long, I think. I believe that just because something that was once good, and now bad, it can go back to being good.

The worst part of feeling the weight of the world is, when you think it can't get any worse...you realize you're all alone.

It will get better, I know it will. I just have to keep going, and not look back.

Twenty Eleven.

So. Here I am. I suppose.

I decided I would blog more this year. I didn't have a single blog entry in 2010, and I think only 15 in 2009. That's borderline pathetic, especially considering how much I enjoy throwing my emotions onto the internet. Not really, but nobody seems to want to hear my life rants, so I might as well blog them.

I am honestly glad to put this last year behind me, and I am glad I didn't write about it. I can sum it up in roughly one poorly written sentence. Heartache, let down, failure, and I was lost.

It's a new fucking year. I will repeat that to myself, as many fucking times as it takes for me to pull my head out of my ass.

Confusion is such an ugly thing, if you call it a thing? I am sure most would agree, a situation can be over analyzed in far too many ways. A sensitive person can only handle so much of this. You can truly start to lose your self worth, in a bad situation. Forget who you are, what you stand for, and are become blind to what you're becoming.

I have so much more I want to let go, so many things I've kept bottled up because I thought nobody cared. They will have to wait though, it's late.