It happens.

I seem to have issues updating this when I am actually in a good mood, or a better place, mentally.

What can I say? I know I'm a drama queen.

I will say I'm the happiest I've been in 3 months though. :)

There are no regrets in life, just lessons.

It feels like everyday gets easier, but it's still new, so I am still unsure.

I find that I'm better off and I question whether or not it's what my heart truly wanted. I feel like I am in the phase of wanting what doesn't want me.

I am going to do what is best for me from now on, while still thinking of others. Looking back on the past few years of my life, I've been in such a low spot. I've been less optimistic than I should have and I've taken without giving. Selfish would be one word to describe who I've been, but that only scratches the surface. I honestly make myself ill when I think about how I could have treated others with the respect they had given me. I feel like I have taken advantage of people, but in the same light, I've had really shitty people take advantage of me. Those shitty people were the one's I held in regard and that was wrong of me.

I guess I have had a lot of thinking time the last few days. I hate it and I enjoy it. Taking a new light on my life and fixing the damage from the past is a good start.

I go to talk to my therapist next week. I am happy about that though. I feel like I have been trying to solve my own problems and it hasn't gotten me anywhere.

Thursday.

I totally rhymed in the last blog.



I rock.

Yeah.

Ever think people doing things intentionally, just to piss you off or get to you.


Well, it works.


Just makes me like them a little less each day. I only take so much abuse, until I reach the point where I say, Fuck you.

It takes love seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye.

When one door closes, another one opens. Or so the saying goes. I can't help but think the saying is true, even if it's something I don't want to believe right now. I have all of these new doors opening but I'm keeping my foot wedged in the one trying to close. Although I've been faced with the brutal truth, my heart doesn't want to let it close. Letting go right now leaves me with a horrible ache in my heart and almost makes me sick. Even though I know it's what I need to do.


Time heals a broken heart, right?


Although things are tough right now, I have a lot of amazing opportunities that have come up. I feel like I am finally heading in the right direction, after years of going in the opposite direction. I feel more like myself and more responsible than I've ever been. It's just hard to believe it all had to happen after the fall. I guess that's how the story goes.

I've been through so much that I face tough situations with ease. I walk with my head held high, when inside I feel as though I'm dying. This too shall pass, like a great friend always tells me. In the end, this will be just a small scar, from the past that made me who I am.

It's always scary when you don't know what the future brings. Especially when you're like me and you need all the answers laid out in front of you. I do know that I have a future though and I feel like it will be a great one. Having faith is what matters at this point and I have a lot of faith in what's to come.

Here.

I cannot sleep. This sucks.

All of it. It sucks.

Ugh. I hate meeting new people.

.

I really want to get my hair done today. I think I'm just going to say fuck it and get it done.

I'm also avoiding doing work again.

Tisk. Tisk.

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

I hate when I have nothing to write. I have so much on my mind, but that's where it sit's. It's impossible to put into words or express on here.

One minute I'm fine and the next, I'm not. I just wish my heart would comply with my thoughts. I wish I didn't feel sick over this anymore and I wish I could just move on.

All I want is to worry about myself but I'm finding it nearly impossible to do. Although, I've been pushed in the right direction, I still need that extra push to move on.

I feel like I'm being lied to, which is fine. I've become part of the past and I'll be ok with that, one day.

I just want to get over you. I want to not like you.

Untitled.

Is it weird that I only blog about my feelings. I'm an open person, but in a different way than others. I'm open in areas where most people would close up. Not that I find anyone walking donw the street (like the Kleenex guy) and tell them all about my life, or my crazy emotional ventures. I do love to share on my blog, though. I've heard most people enjoy blogging so much, because it's comparable to being a celebrity. You have others looking in on your life, others lurking for information on your next move. Exciting! I would love to know who really lurked on here, my blog, not just blogspot, duh.

This week alone, has been a venture. What's new, right? So many conflicting thoughts, interests and desires have been thrown my way. It's complicating. Extremely, to be honest. It seems like you get everything else on track, only to have 100 other things go under. I find humor in it now, like seriously, getting mad is retarded.

I've made some choices I feel will make me happy in the long run. I painted a bomb ass fucking painint and I'm finishing some jewelry. I'm as happy as pie. If pie is happy... ? I would be happy eating pie, right now.

Off to run errands. Fer shizzle.


Hair appointment tomorrow! Yay.

Ladies. Ladies.

APRIL FOOLS.



:)

It's true.

I'm pregnant.