Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.

Today is weird. To say the least. I feel nauseous, anxious and confused. I for once, have yet to let my emotions get the best of me. I've just been thinking a lot, since last night. Well, for the last month to be honest. Last weeks chain of events impacted me the hardest, but when one door closes... another opens. This all obviously happened for a reason.

I had this set plan. I was pumped and ready to go. Now, I'm back at square one. Rethinking my options. While not eliminating the other. I just feel like I haven't given myself much credit. I gave myself one option and listed it as my only way out of this mess. Yet, I haven't really played out my other options, nor have I even tried to. I feel like I have a lot in me, to do right by myself, but I've spent so much time being hard on me, that I over looked it.

Someone told me last night, it seemed as though I had no guidance. Not that I don't, just the kind that I need. I cannot help but replay that over and over in my head. I do, need more guidance than others. I look to those I care about for an opinion, but I look to those I admire for an answer. I try so hard to just do what others think is best for me, but in reality, they're agreeing with me. I need that motivation, that constant, that tells me, here are your options, now fucking suck it up and get on with it.

Everything right now, just feel so complexed. I feel amazing, I see what I've missed, in myself. It just makes things more complicated now, way more complicated.