Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

I haven't updated in a while. There are times I just get lazy, or I simply have nothing interesting to write about. Not that my life has to be that interesting, or something spontaneous has to happen in order for me to post. I just get in these moods, moods that tell me I have nothing to say.

Life is having it's ups and downs, as to be expected. I'm just getting better at dealing with them. I feel like I am almost to the point where I know exactly what it is I want to do. It's weird, like some sort of clarity comes over you. I've never really known what path to follow, I just relied on others opinions, to make mine. I am over that shit. I am the one who has to live this life, not them.

I really don't want to go back to college. I just feel like it isn't for me. As much as I love learning new things, I think I like to learn more hands on. I just don't have the tolerance to sit still for more than 5 minutes, let alone an hour. I know my Mom really wants to see me make it through college, more so because she didn't. I just feel like it isn't part of my big plan and it's hard to explain it to her.

I've made a huge decision in my life. I am not totally ready to talk about it yet, though. I just feel like I need to smooth over the rough parts before I see it written out. I'm scared, I'm anxious and yet, I'm fucking proud of myself.

I know now, I no longer need anyone but myself and Anna, to make me happy. I know my worth. I have done nothing but put up with pathetic people, who in turn, made me pathetic. All because I thought I needed that extra something. Eventually, but for now, I need to be me, 100%. For Anna more than myself. I feel like I want to put myself out there, but not in a desperate way. If someone great comes along, awesome... if not, oh well.

I've relied to much on what I thought were good instincts, but really, I ended up surrounding myself with negative people. People I thought I could count on, but really, I couldn't. I am so ready to let go and carry on. I thought the letting go part would hurt more, but it actually feels pretty good.