Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.

I am trying to study. It's not working, obviously. So, here I sit, blogging instead. We've already been over my inabilities to sit still, or focus for extended amount of times. It is, indeed, the inevitable.

Whenever I study, it reminds me of how it's something I've never been good at. Even if I study alone, I get all nervous with practice questions. I act like someone's watching me, or like I actually have a time limit on that stupid question. It's really amusing, actually. Then, after I get all nervous, I think, "wow, Scotti, you're really lame". Studying is just something I am totally incapable of, I am pretty sure I will always be this way. Oh well, hopefully after this, I wont need to cope much more with tense study sessions, alone.

I must say, I surprise myself at how well I am with literature and word knowledge. I somehow grasp the meaning to words I've never even heard, or seen before. Although, I hardly give myself any credit in the grammar department. I swear I over use commas and make a new paragraph before I've actually written seven sentences. Oh, and I use periods a lot. Even after one word. See. I would certainly deserve an F, if I were blogging for school, or writing purposes.

One thing I will never understand is math or arithmetic. No matter how many classes I take, or how much I stuff my brain, I will never be able to understand math. Now, if I go on a full blown study binge for a week, I will pass a test. I can promise you though, in a weeks time, I will forget everything I just learned. My brain hates math and over working itself to solve stupid problems like (a-b)+(a). I know, I sound stupid, but I use the opposite side of my brain. I am worried about this though, for my upcoming test. I need to at least pass with an 80. Oiy.

So. Aside from studying and over using periods, today was pretty busy. I will say, it was a good day and I didn't expect that. I woke up and told myself that today would be a great day and that I would be alright. I finally got a phone call I was waiting for. I picked up my prescription. Best part for last, picked me up some new canvases and paint's! I also had a job offer at Michaels, I think I might take them up on that. Temporarily at least. I like crafts, crafts like me, it's a good gig!

There was a rough patch today though. Brian's ex found is necessary to call me. I am really unsure why, but for some reason, she seems to think I want to work things out with Brian. Very wrong, oh so very, very wrong. I was an adult though and I actually think I gave her some relief. Oh well, drama is drama and it likes me for some reason.


I am so proud of myself and who I am turning into. A mature person, who will make everyone proud. Sad, it's taken 24 years but hey, at least it's happening. Today I had a long talk with my Mom. I finally opened up about things and how I finally see I've depended on others for happiness. I know that I've been nothing but a ruthless bitch, who still expected people to put up with it and be there. It's time for me now, to renew myself, find myself and grow up. For once, I am not worried about someone else being there, I'm worried about myself. It feels so good. It feels good to know I don't have to rely on shitty people, to keep me company.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy I get to see friends I lost touch with on Thursday. Good friends I put on the back burner for worthless fucks.

Back to studying now. Or maybe I will paint. I don't know.


Good night!