Think. Think. Think.

So. Back in the position I hate to be in. One where I am forced to rethink my life and the goals I have set for myself. Hey, I believe we should review our goals every now and then. Thing is, mine are all over the place. I have no goals, other than a few, actually set in stone. I guess it's something I need to work on. I do think I am a determined person, I just think too much to stay focused on one thing.

Now, I do have direction. Is it what I want though, or is it what I need. Thinking about it makes my brain hurt. At times I would say I had too much spontaneity. Not always the good kind. I will put so much effort into something, then suddenly move onto something else, without first finishing what I had originally started. Makes me irritated with myself.

Let's be serious for a second. I am pretty sure I have a clear idea what I want out of life, we all do. It's that what I will be doing that fails me. Which I have heard, from most, is normal for anyone my age. I am in the process of setting up a ladder for myself. What I will place at the top of that ladder is something I don't even know yet.

So, I am going to take the next month to just clear my head and let things fall into place. I have an idea of where I am going, I just want things to pan out. What happens will happen and it will be within in good reason.

I am sort of babbling. I guess because I am avoiding bed. I know sleeping means waking up, which then means work. Ew.


Anyway. I also realized (after some much needed advice), I put myself on the back burner because I look to other people for decisions. I almost feel like if I am the one to make the decision, if even for myself, I let everyone else down. In some situations, that might be ok. Not when it comes to my life. I need to stand up and start thinking for myself. I need to worry less about suiting my life for other people and more for me. Those who were worth a shit will be there when it's said and done.


Ok. Bed time for realz.